Lincoln Loud: Part-Time Hero
by MarcellusMiro66
Summary: A homage to several "No Such Luck" AU stories in which Lincoln travels through various dimensions. (The spiritual successor for "Just My Luck"; eventually rated M)
1. Chapter 1

_Hi, everyone, MarcellusMiro66 here! This is a ** **Loud House**** crossover and a homage and deconstruction/reconstruction to **" No Such Luck"** AU stories. I have noticed that since this particular episode was released, it has been cited as one of the worst – if not the worst – episodes of the series as a whole. Lincoln discovers the ability to hop between various dimensions and decides to help stop a plot to destroy the world. The story can be good, bad, or ****So Bad It's Good**** ; as long as it relates to the events of **" No Such Luck"**, it is here. The tone is mostly lighthearted with a hint of ****Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy**** , ****Affectionate Parody**** , and often slight hints of ****Camp****._

 _Enjoy! If you can..._

* * *

 ** _ _ **Part 1: " Just My Luck"**__**

 ** _ _ **(Friday, May 6th 2016)  
(12 N)**__**

 ** _ _ **"It's true... I really am bad luck."**__**

Lincoln watched as the Royal Woods Squirrels lost against the Hazeltuck Lions, 3-to-0. He sighed from underneath the squirrel costume he donned, sneaking away from the stadium whenever he got the chance. Tearing it off and throwing it down to he knows where, he sulked all the way home with his hands in his pockets. Successfully managing to locate the spare key underneath the __'__ _ _Welcome__ _ _'__ rug, Lincoln entered the house and immediately headed for his boarded-up room. Prying away the wooden barricades with an acquired crowbar, he found everything (from clothes to toys) in brown boxes with labels that named the contents of said boxes. He huffed at this discovery: __I should've expected this.__ Cutting the tape off the boxes labeled __'__ _ _Clothes__ _ _'__ with said crowbar, he pulled off enough clothes to last two weeks and stuffed them in his backpack, along with his laptop and Bun-Bun. He then resealed the box closed before hammering back the wooden bars, not intending to leave any loose ends.

He was, however, intending to run away.

 _ _Okay, that's not entirely true. If I do decide to run away, the result will be a media frenzy. If I decide to do something else – i.e., call the police__ _–_ _ _the result will be an even bigger media frenzy. If I commit murder__ _–_ _ _Alright, now you're just pushing it, Lincoln. Like that would ever happen. ... Well, let's say if it did come down to__ _ ** _that_**_ _ _. If I do commit murder, either I get arrested or my parents do. Yeah, it turns out that it's illegal to kick out minors under the age of 18 and considered child abuse. Who would've thought? Certainly not__ _ ** _them_**_ _ _.__

Lincoln sighed to himself, halfway from the house and at a bus stop. He was definitely at a definite crossroads here. In fact, there were three; flee (run away), fight (call the police), or fright (commit murder). If there ever was a fourth option, he would taken it in a heartbeat. True story.

"You okay, kid?"

Lincoln wanted to be insulted by the question asked towards him. __Wanted__ to be. Turning to face the person to the left of him, he examined him from head to toe. The boy seemed around either Luna's or Luan's age and had curly red hair and cyan eyes. He wore a blue denim jacket, a white-with-black-sleeves shirt with a blue plaid collar and end of sleeves, a faux chain mail mesh underneath a pair of blue skinny jeans and boots with black fronts, white backs, and a yellow line above the ankle. Around his hips was a black belt with a strange circular object attached to it. __Yep, a typical teenager with a typical teenager's fashion sense.__

"No." Brutal honesty at its finest.

The boy glanced around in uncertain concern, "... You...want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Well, kid, I can't help you if you can't help me."

"I never said I needed __or wanted__ your help. I'm sorry, but that's the ugly truth."

"That seems...awfully harsh." The teenager turned away to glance at his watch, but kept the boy in mind as he did so. __Twelve in the afternoon...__ "So...do you have somewhere you have to be?"

Lincoln huffed at this teenager's persistence of starting a conversation. He couldn't deny him a response, though. "... No. I just...need to get away from here."

The teenager cocked his eyebrows in piqued interest, "Care to elaborate or no?"

"As much as I need to... I don't __want__ to."

"Well, you're gonna have to, sooner or later."

"Much more later than sooner." Lincoln was beginning to loosen up into the conversation. "So...do __you__ have somewhere __you__ have to be?"

"Well, yeah. I just got back from a comic-book convention and I'm heading home. Don't want to be late for my job."

"You're not from here? Do I mind if I ask you ‒ ?"

"You want to come with?"

"... Are you sure you're not a mind-reader?"

"Ha, I wish. I just wanna make sure that your family is okay with this."

 _ _My family... Family is the one reason for...running away? Am I seriously taking the first option?__

"I'm pretty sure they'll be okay with it, considering they let me run amok in the mall. They trust me enough to make my own decisions."

 _ _Yes. Apparently, I am.__

"Hmm. All righty then."

At that moment, a bus turned around the corner and stopped in front of them. Lincoln entered the bus first while the teenager followed behind and payed for both of their tickets before taking a seat beside him.

"So...where are we going?"

"My hometown of Middleburg. Oh, I never got to introduce myself." The teenager stuck out a hand to do so, "My friends call me Zero... Penn Zero."

Lincoln returned the gesture and did the same, "My name's Lincoln... Lincoln Loud."

At the same time the bus departed, Vanzilla passed the public transport vehicle and pulled up to the driveway. The Loud Family got out and walked up the front steps in silence, each sibling (and parent) exchanging concerned glances at the star athlete. Knowing Lynn was quite disappointed over the loss of the game, they all knew better than to try and comfort her. In the eyes and mindset of Lynn Sr., it couldn't possibly hurt to do so, right?

"Don't worry, Jr. You'll get them next time."

"... Thanks, Dad." A small smile was sent his way, proving that doubt wrong. As the family entered the house and spread around to do their own thing, Lynn alone was heading up to her and Lucy's room of the second floor when she noticed Lincoln's boarded room. __Lincoln... I'm starting to think you're not really bad luck...but I'm not sure if you're really telling the truth, though.__ She swiftly turned tail and headed back downstairs to the backyard. Glancing around for a moment's notice and finding her brother not in sight, she softly sighed in regret: "Linc... I take it you're mad at us and I get it. You wanted some time for yourself, and I had a hard time believing it. Not just me, but the entire family as well. When I assumed you were bad luck, you took advantage of it...and that was my mistake. I should've chose better words or, better yet, never accused you as such. What I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you. We may have sold your bed and drawer for a few bucks...my decision as well. If you want to come in tonight, you can use the spare key under the rug." __Or was it the other rug...? I'll check first.__ "Again, I'm sorry, Lincoln. See you later." She entered the house and commenced her search for the spare key upon discovering that it wasn't where it was supposed to be.

Little did she know...

* * *

 ** _ _ **Approximately 9 Hours and 36 Minutes Later. . .**__**

Lincoln and Penn boarded off the bus just a few feet away from an abandoned movie theater. Named __'__ _ ** _The Odyssey_**_ _ _'__ , it was appropriate that the two rectangular frontal pillars included depictions of certain characters and scenes from the epic poem of the same name. Among its other characteristics were the marquee with disjointed and scrambled letters (only the word __'__ _ _Closed__ _ _'__ remained unscathed), the boarded-up setup that were frankly reminiscent of his own room, and the mere fact it was located right next to a restaurant named __'__ _ ** _Fish Stick On A Stick_**_ _ _'__. Need he say more?

It made absolutely no sense when he and Penn were making their way towards it, but eventually it did.

"I take it this is your hangout place?"

"More than that, actually. This is where I work."

"... How? It's closed down, isn't it?"

"Not entirely." Penn pulled a spare key from his pocket and unlocked the front entrance, beckoning Lincoln to follow him inside. When he flipped on one of the many light switches, the white-haired boy was surprised to find the interior of the theater was in surprisingly good shape, especially compared to the exterior, much to the redhead boy's amusement. He did a quick survey of the building's contents while conversing with him.

"It's something, isn't it?"

"... Yeah. It's really cool...if not awesome. I'll be the judge of that."

 _ _Well, I can't wait to prove you wrong, kid...__

"The only question I have is, why is the movie screen triangular instead of rectangular?"

 _ _... Well, shoot. I don't think I've told him yet. Should I or should I not...?__

"Isn't that like a custom thing or something like that?"

 _ _Alright, let's hope Lincoln proves to be the secretive type...__

"It's part of my job."

"... Really? A triangular movie screen instead of a regular rectangular one is part of your job?"

"Yeah. You wouldn't believe me if I told you the truth."

"So what you said to me was a lie?"

"Not exactly."

"Care to elaborate or no?"

"As much as I need to... I don't __want__ to."

"Try me."

It was then that Penn not only decided to tell Lincoln the truth, but also realized that their entire conversation up until that point was a complete reversal of their earlier one. Not that it was important or anything else, but still... He just brought it up.

"Alright then. You just have to promise me that you'll not tell anybody else."

"I've been quite the secret keeper lately. Believe me, I've seen stranger things."

"... The show or the phrase?"

"... The-the phrase. Although the show was great...if a little bit overrated."

"You and me both, kid. So...are you ready?"

"I've been ready."

Penn nodded and made a __"Wait here and take a seat while at it"__ gesture as he marched up to the balcony where a device of levers and buttons awaited him. After a few minutes of pushing and pulling, an eerily realistic landscape of space was cast onto the movie screen. Lincoln was at a loss for words, literally standing at the edge of his seat and eventually walking towards it to get a better look.

"Yeah... It's something."

"And __cool__?"

Lincoln turned to Penn and smiled.

"No. It's **__**awesome**__**."

Penn returned the smile to Lincoln.

* * *

Rita Loud cared for her family. She truly did. This meant she protect her kin from any danger, outside or inside. To her, superstition was an example of said dangers, if not great or worse. It was just an example. So, when she decided to chastise Lincoln for allegedly spreading his bad luck to the rest of the family, she received a stern talk from __Lynn__ , her daughter out of all people. The speech was basically how he was not bad luck as they originally assumed him to be, but it caused her to greatly reconsider her decisions concerning him nonetheless.

"Lynn...you think this is true?"

"No, Mom. I __know__ it's true."

Said decisions included her unwillingness to support Lincoln after he was shunned by his sisters following a rather admittedly embarrassing attempt to win a video contest, her agreement to willingly place Luan ( _ _her own__ _ ** _ **daughter**_**_ ) in a cage to prevent any lethal pranks from occurring (which was a rather decent Freudian excuse, but still) on April Fool's Day, and ‒ most infamously ‒ her uninvolvement to participate in the dreaded [ _ _*shudder*__ ] Sister Fight Protocol (which was immediately discontinued after its first __and__ _ ** _ **only**_**_ use). However, this incident in which she and the rest of the family got behind Lynn's rumor of Lincoln Loud ( _ _her own__ _ ** _son_**_ _ _and only__ ) being a bad luck charm and cursing the rest of them easily overshadowed them all in the span of two days. Given how it involved boarding up his room, selling his furniture, and __locking him out of the house__...

It wasn't difficult to see why.

"Where is he?"

"I haven't seen him since this morning."

And the worst part? They never get the chance to apologize to him ever again.

 _ _"Mom...? Mom!__ _ ** _MOM!_**_ _ _"__

* * *

"What is it? I don't think it's space."

"Don't worry, it is. But it's part of another dimension."

"Another dimension?"

"I know. Crazy, right?"

"Actually...when I think about it now, it's starting to make sense. Have you ever heard of the multiverse?"

"Funny. I was supposed to ask __you__ that same question. But to answer the question, the multiverse is practically my job. My two friends and I have to make the multiverse is in balance and protected. As such, we use the Multi-Universe Transprojector to transport ourselves to various universes."

"Really. That's...a word exceeding awesome. Is there a universe where there are evil counterparts of us?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Been there. It sucks. Take my word for it."

Lincoln and Penn had been staring at the galactic landscape for some time now, endlessly chattering about the endless possibilities of a vast expanded universe whilst wondering what to do next.

"You think we can take a trip sometime? You know, whenever we get the chance?"

"Huh. I thought you weren't interested."

"Yeah... That was __then__. This is __now__."

Penn contemplated his decision to show Lincoln the ups and downs of being a professional at his job before walking away. He activated the movie projector, which glowed a light blue, before racing down to join him. The emitting beam engulfed them and moved upward to shoot them into the movie screen. When the dust cleared, all that was left was the boys' belongings and a written note to whom it may concern.

* * *

Ronnie Anne Santiago was a tomboy, plain and simple. She was a girl who acted like a boy, dressed like a boy, and even spoke like a boy. However, she wasn't like most tomboys; unlike most, she harbored feelings. Not just physical, but emotional as well. You can see where this is going. It was during (fittingly) first grade that she caught her first glimpse of a certain white-haired boy who would forever change her life. She didn't know what to make of the ensuing butterflies in her stomach and the rising heat in her cheeks when she saw him making a friend of his own, but it was purely justifiable as she was still young and innocent to the power of love. (No, I'm not going to make a Huey Lewis reference...but I just did.) So, being a tomboy and the school's perceived bully of choice, she flung mud and sand at the two boys, who subsequently ran away.

Of course, Ronnie Anne formally met Lincoln when she accidentally skidded on her skateboard and scrapped her right knee in the process. He offered to bandage it up, but she only accepted once she realized he wasn't going to give in. Another offer he made to her was for him to walk her home; had she not agreed, they wouldn't have got to known each other better. Thankfully, she did, and the rest was history.

 _ _"Well, where was the last place you saw him?"__

 ** _ _ **"In the backyard."**__**

 _ _"You guys were at a game. Why was he at home?"__

 ** _ _ **"We...accidentally left him at home by mistake. Just tell me when or if you see him, okay?"**__**

 _ _"Of course, babe. Good night, Lori."__

 ** _ _ **"Good night, Bobby."**__**

Something was wrong. Judging by the way Lori spoke in her conversation with Bobby, numerous theories began to populate in Ronnie Anne's ever-so-growing mind. One thing's for sure, though... _(Left him by mistake, my ass...)_

Something was definitely up...

* * *

When the light considerably dimmed, Lincoln glanced around and took in his surroundings. Everything around him resembled everything from his favorite science-fiction/space opera films of old. Aliens of different shapes and sizes strolled around like they owned the joint alongside normal human beings while spaceships flew across the sky avoiding any means of traffic whatsoever.

"This is amazing."

"Lincoln Loud... I welcome you to Xandar, home of the Nova Corps."


	2. Chapter 2

"Xandar? Sounds fitting."

"It is. It is known to be a rather peaceful planet, wishing not to interfere in any intergalactic conflicts; they only fight whenever the time is necessary."

"Has that time come?"

"Actually, yes... On more than one occasion."

Lincoln and Penn had since patrolled the streets of Xandar while donning what the latter called the Nova Corps Uniform. It was a blue-and-black armored suit with three interconnected golden-glowing suns on the chest plate, which he said represented the three suns of Xandar...much to the former's confusion and eventual understanding. According to the badges worn on their upper arms, there were five ranks of the Nova Corps: Corpsman, Millenian, Denarian, Centurion, and Nova Prime. Lincoln was Corpsman, Penn was Denarian. A given, considering their respective experience in multiverse hopping...

"So how do you like my job so far?"

"It's _awesome_. Plain and simple."

 ** _ _ **BOOM!**__**

The Xandarians first jumped in surprise and then ran in terror upon the realization that a giant space monster was heading their way. This particular space monster was a large and (seeing how it fed on runaway Xandarians) carnivorous creature resembling a giant octopus...only with shark's teeth, manifold tentacles, and multiple eyes. The duo were a pair of deer in headlights, Penn in particular looking downright horrified.

"... That's not supposed to be here."

"What is it?"

"... It's a Rathar."

The Rathar sluggishly plodded Lincoln and Penn's way, mercilessly devouring any citizen luckless enough to stumble in its way. The latter was not one to be a sitting duck for long, however, and unholstered his sidearm. Activating his rocket boots, Penn took to the skies and opened fire on the creature, hitting most of its weak spots whilst dodging many of its strong tentacles. Watching in awe for a few minutes or more, Lincoln realized he could do that too. Mimicking his big brother figure's actions, he took to the skies and opened fire as well.

"Penn...what do we do now?"

"Keep firing! I've contacted the Nova Corps! They should be on their way here!"

"Understood!" Lincoln and Penn continued to let loose on the monstrous Rathar before a tentacle snatched both of them and threw them aside. Undeterred, they hoisted each other up and took to the skies once more, continuing in his efforts to defend Xandar from the creature.

* * *

 _ ** _ **"Linc... I take it you're mad at us and I get it. You wanted some time for yourself, and I had a hard time believing it. Not just me, but the entire family as well. When I assumed you were bad luck, you took advantage of it...and that was my mistake. I should've chose better words or, better yet, never accused you as such. What I'm trying to say is... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you. We may have sold your bed and drawer for a few bucks...my decision as well. If you want to come in tonight, you can use the spare key under the rug. Again, I'm sorry, Lincoln. See you later."**_**_

Mr. Grouse waited for the police to answer his call, smoothing his nose bridge in wasn't everyday that he wished to go back to his old ways, but in this case, he only wished to make an exception. To put it nicely, his family failed to be a rather perfect one on many levels. Not only was their treatment of their son unacceptable, their reason of inflicting such harsh punishment was borderline offensive. __So, this was why the boy was outside at night since last night... Bad luck? That's it? No sickness? No troublesome behavior? I can't believe__ _ _I__ _ _agreed that he was bad luck, even if it was to spite him...__

Yes indeed, whilst Lincoln was locked outside the first night, he confessed to playing along with Lynn's bad luck accusations just to have some time to himself. For the most part, he could relate; being a part of a large family himself, it was pretty hectic to say the least. It was a huge comfort when he was accepted into the University of Michigan, meaning that he finally acquired some semblance of peace and quiet for once. __A little too much peace and quiet,__ Mr. Grouse realized as time passed. As much as he wanted some time alone, he needed family more.

Call this, in a way, making amends.

30 minutes after Mr. Grouse placed the call, police arrived on the scene. It truly crushed his heart to see the boy's parents being escorted and their daughters crying out in protest. The only ones who weren't reacting besides himself were the eldest (blonde with blue) and the third eldest (brunette with purple and a pixie-cut), who were both trying their best to console the young ones. He sighed to himself in regret: __It needed to be done.__

Maybe it shouldn't have hurt to tell them about the true whereabouts of Lincoln as well...

* * *

Lincoln and Penn stood in the Nova Corps Headquarters before Nova Prime herself.

"Irani Rael, let me apologize..."

"No. It is quite alright, Penn Zero. Thanks to your efforts of you and your partner, Xandar is saved once more. It is also fortunate you arrived, considering the Guardians of the Galaxy are out on business." The white-haired woman approached them both. "What is your partner's name?"

Being in the presence of a regal figure, Lincoln bobbed a curtsy to Nova Prime, "Lincoln. Lincoln Loud, ma'am."

"He is also my beginner protégé, Irani Rael," Penn sidestepped alongside Lincoln, "Multiverse hopping isn't exactly easy as pie."

"I see," Nova Prime nodded in understanding, "Regardless, the Nova Corps and Xandar thanks you for your heroism and integrity."

After their clear-cut meeting, Lincoln and Penn bid Xandar and the Nova Corps farewell, but not before they were rewarded with golden badges. The duo headed back towards their starting point before they were transported back to their normal dimension. They were somehow back in their normal outfits, as pointed out by an elderly Slavic woman who was seated by the controls.

"How you two were able to change back and forth between different outfits will never cease to amaze me."

"Oh! Hi, Phyllis! I.. I didn't see you there!"

"You never do, Penn," The woman called Phyllis sat up from her seat and descended downstairs. "You are aware that _**_**The Odyssey**_**_ is my place of residence, yes?"

"It is?" Lincoln interjected, "Wow! That's cool!"

"Thank you, young man." Phyllis was already approaching in front of the two boys. "And you are...?"

"Lincoln. Lincoln Loud, ma'am," he introduced himself and stuck out a hand for Phyllis to shake, which she took, "Pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure's mine." __If not all of it...__ "Penn... I took it you found the spare key under the carpet?"

"You __really__ need to find a new hiding place, Phyllis."

"... Yes, thank you for the heads up." Phyllis turned tail and headed upstairs again to turn off the portal. "You boys don't forget your belongings." She then headed up a separate flight of stairs and closed the door.

"She seems nice," Lincoln smiled.

"Yeah...on the outside," Penn smirked. He took up his duffel bag and handed Lincoln his, beckoning to follow him out. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Home."

* * *

Ronnie Anne was thankful that she was gifted with quick reflexes when Bobby nearly entered her room but was called away by their mother. She exited through the window and slung the backpack over her shoulders, sprinting towards the bus stop. Luckily for her, a public transportation bus conveniently turned to the corner of the bus stop she was approaching. Paying her ticket with a $100 bill, she boarded the vehicle and took a seat as it departed from the city of Royal Woods. She then pulled out a map with a certain town circled in red.

Giving it a read for a few moments, Ronnie Anne looked out the window and saw that she was now exiting Illinois. Sighing to herself, she leaned back in her seat. __Only 13 more hours to go...__

* * *

 _ ** _ **[*RING!* *RING!* *RING!*]**_**_

 _ _"... Hello...?"__

 ** _ _ **"This is Ronnie Anne Santiago, if I'm not mistaken?"**__**

 _ _"Yes?"__

 _ ** _ **"This is Mr. Henry Grouse, Lincoln's next door neighbor."**_**_

 _ _"... Oh. You mean the Christmas grouch who is a part of a large family as well?"__

 ** _ _ **"Hmm. So you have heard of me?"**__**

 _ _"Yes, but not through Lincoln. Through his sister Lynn."__

 ** _ _ **"Ugh. Typical. Anyway...you're probably wondering where Lincoln himself is."**__**

 _ _"I am. I have a bad feeling that something bad happened to him."__

 ** _ _ **"Don't worry, nothing did...if you count running away as something bad, that is."**__**

 _ _"... What? He...ran away?"__

 _ ** _ **"Yeah. I know where he is, though..."**_**_

* * *

The two boys boarded off the bus and a two-story house in the suburbs came into view. Lincoln and Penn entered inside and sneaked upstairs to the latter's room. When he asked whether or not he lived with family, Lincoln got this response from Penn:

"I used to...but that was a long time ago."

 _ _Well, things took a rather dark turn...depending on how you see it.__

They both entered inside and both parted into separate sections of the room to change into PJ's. Once they were done, Penn offered Lincoln the bed, which worried him (Lincoln) that he (Penn) wouldn't be as comfortable on the floor. Nonetheless, he agreed once he revealed that this happens whenever he has sleepovers with his friends.

"So...what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Well...depending on if Phyllis assigns me any missions tomorrow... I'm not sure."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something. Good night, Penn."

"Good night, Lincoln..."

* * *

 _ ** _ **BRING!**_**_

Ronnie Anne shot up from her seat and instantly regretted her decision to do so. She groaned in pain at her contracted muscles and struggled to stretch, but it was worth it. Rubbing and shaking her head, her presence caught the attention of the bus driver.

"Hey! You okay, kid?"

"... Yeah, I'm okay. Where are we?"

"Well, why do you get off the bus and see for yourself?"

Unbuckling the seat-belt and grabbing her backpack, Ronnie Anne did exactly that and noticed the __'__ _ _Welcome__ _ _'__ sign on the side of the road. Reaching for her map inside, she checked the town circled in red and the sign before her. The sign made no mistake:

 ** _ _ **"Welcome to Middleburg, Colorado!"**__**


	3. Chapter 3

**__**(Saturday, May 7th 2016)  
(7:00 AM)**__**

Lincoln awoke to the smell of eggs, bacon, and hash browns as his eyes blinked open. He sat up from Penn's bed and rubbed his eyes before glancing around, Penn himself nowhere to be find. __He must be the one cooking... Unless...__ He got up from bed, exited the bedroom, and headed downstairs. What he found was a middle-aged couple assisting Penn in making breakfast, so he was technically close. The man had graying black hair, a balding forehead with some hair still in the center, pale blue eyes, a long-sleeve dark green polo shirt with a white collar and a white stripe between two yellow stripes in the middle, light grey denim jeans, long orange socks, brown shoes, and a black watch; the woman had tan skin, shoulder-length auburn hair, bright green eyes, a long-sleeve pink shirt with white lace on the sleeves, mint green eyes, bright purple flat heels with three matching hoop bracelets on each arm, silver hoop earrings, and dark pink lipstick.

 _ _So, yeah... I was technically close.__

The woman noticed Lincoln as he watched them cook, "Oh, hello, young man! Who might you be?"

Penn too noticed him as he cracked a few more eggs. "Oh, Aunt Rose! This is our guest I was talking to you about! Meet Lincoln Loud."

Lincoln nervously waved __'Hi'__ as the man approached him to shake hands, "Nice to meet you, son. I'm Chuck, Penn's uncle. I met your grandfather Albert once when I was out bowling with some friends. He's still a real ‒ "

"Chuck!" The woman shook her head and chuckled in amusement, "Forgive my husband and his language. I'm his wife Rose, Penn's aunt."

 _ _So, Penn does have family around... Missing parents?__ Lincoln thought as he smiled and shook hands. __Plus, Uncle Chuck knows Pop-Pop. Would he tell him about my situation and whereabouts?__

Uncle Chuck seemed to notice Lincoln's worries, a hearty laugh acting as his response. "Oh, Lincoln, don't worry. We won't tell anyone."

Lincoln blinked in confusion, "Uh...what?"

"Penn explained to us that you were going through tough times with your family, whom we assumed would try to take you back. However, he figured that you just needed some time to yourself, so our lips are sealed until further notice, kiddo."

 _ _... Well, that was easier than I thought.__ "Oh... Thanks, Uncle Chuck."

Uncle Chuck and Aunt Rose nodded and beckoned him to follow them into the kitchen. Before he could, though, a knock was performed on the door, prompting all four occupants to glance towards it. Lincoln then walked over to the door, having decided to answer it...and immediately regretted his decision to do so.

"Lincoln...?"

"Ronnie Anne...?"

The two children's respective worlds crawled to a standstill. An uncomfortable silence soon followed them after. All the while, Uncle Chuck and Aunt Rose watched from the kitchen entrance, ignoring their nephew as he continued making breakfast. Penn was close to finishing at this point when he noticed his uncle and aunt staring with uncertainty at the front entrance. Because his line of sight was blocked by the both of them, Penn cocked his head in confusion.

"What are we looking at?"

At that moment, Ronnie Anne lunged at Lincoln and engulfed hum in a hug. He was taken aback by the suddenness of it and the fact that she was literally strangling him height-wise. Nonetheless, he returned the hug and she rested her head on his shoulder, in spite of the difficulty he faced while doing so.

"Why?"

"Because I just needed to. I had to get away from them."

"No. Why didn't you tell me? I could've gone with you."

"Oh. Well, I don't have a reason for __that__."

"Well, you should. I have been riding for 13 hours to just arriving at...Middleburg, I think."

"Yes indeed, young madam," Uncle Chuck nodded in confirmation as he walked over to Ronnie Anne to introduce himself, "I see you're a friend of Lincoln. The name's Chuck Zero. Pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma'am."

Ronnie Anne didn't know what to make of Uncle Chuck at first, but she shook his hand and introduced herself in return. "My name's Ronnie Anne Santiago. The pleasure's all mine."

"Well, hello then, Miss Ronnie Anne!" Aunt Rose made her way alongside her husband, "I'm Rose, Penn's aunt! Penn is there in the kitchen finishing making breakfast."

"Hello there, ma'am!" Penn suddenly shot Lincoln a knowing look, a look that only him noticed and sent a warm blush rising in his cheeks.

"Did you say breakfast? Oh, great!" Ronnie Anne bolted for the kitchen, "I haven't had anything since yesterday morning!"

"Oh, goody then!" Aunt Rose took off after her. Lincoln and Uncle Chuck exchanged amused glances before walking at a lax pace.

* * *

 ** _ _ **Meanwhile in Royal Woods. . .**__**

"So, let me get all of this straight: you locked your own son and sold everything of his...because he was **__**bad luck**__**."

The Commissioner couldn't believe his ears when he heard the latest excuse for his latest crime. In fact, the excuse the accused made was so bizarre and surreal, he summoned his fellow officers to the conference room to let them hear for themselves. And so, here they were. Both parents were in the center sitting beside each other, while their children remained outside in the waiting room, being watched by two rookies.

"Umm..." Lynn Sr. went first, "Yes, sir...we did. And it was a stupid mistake. A stupid mistake that we tried to move past, but we can't."

. . .

"And this occurred just three months ago?"

"Yes, sir. It did."

Suddenly, the Commissioner became a laugh riot, catching the couple off guard and prompting them to wonder why he would do so. The few officers who knew the real reason slowly joined in with him; at the same time, they sunk out of their chairs and down to the floor. Amusement and nervousness plagued their expressions.

"You know, I got to hand it to you two," The Commissioner wiped away tears as he continued, "I never thought somebody could have pulled it off. The absolute FUBAR. The most __'fucked-up beyond absolute repair'__ I've ever seen. Seriously, that is quite the achievement."

Lynn Sr. and Rita exchanged nervous glances just as the Commissioner turned on a dime, reverting to his usual serious demeanor. "Mr. and Mrs. Loud... Do you have any idea how much that was a __sad__ , **__**sad**__** , **__**sad**__** excuse for child abuse?"

The couple's respective eyes widened in horror, "What...?"

"What? You never knew? You never knew that kicking a minor under 18 years of age out of their household was a criminal offense? Geez, you're more of a Puritan family than I thought. Actually, you've actually surpassed them."

* * *

 ** _ _ **At The Same Time. . .**__**

As the quintet ate their breakfast, Aunt Rose and Uncle Chuck got acquainted with Ronnie Anne while Lincoln and Penn chattered in small whispers concerning their Hispanic visitor.

 _ _"So..."__

"So...there's nothing between me and her. Period."

Penn was persistent, though, and refused to let this go. "First of all, it's __her and I__."

"Same difference."

"Second of all, your actions __always__ speak louder than your words."

"You're seeing things, Penn." Lincoln cut his scrambled eggs and ate it with some bacon just as Penn's iPhone began to ring.

 ** _ _ **RING-RING!**__**

"This is Penn Zero, part-time hero. How may I be of service?"

 _ _"Penn! Penn, you there?"__

Penn brightened up at the voice of his best female friend, unaware of the sticky situation he (and the rest) would find themselves in. "Oh! Hey, Sashi! What's up?"

 _ _"I'll tell you what's up! Someone broke into the Odyssey and accidentally activated the Multi-Universe Transprojector!"__

Lincoln's ears perked up at the sound of this, but Penn gestured him to hold on. "What did this someone look like, Sashi?"

 _ _"Well...he was African-American with a weird stack of hair, wearing circular glasses with__ _ _very__ _ _thick black rims and blue-tinted lenses. He also wore a blue-and-yellow striped collared shirt with black pants and matching tennis shoes. Honestly, he looks like a nerd."__

Lincoln's eyes immediately widened the same time as Ronnie Anne's.

" _ _'Weird stack of hair?'__ Well, why didn't you say so? Don't worry, Sashi. I'll be there ASAP."

Penn hung up and munched down the last of his food before bolting towards the door. Turning around to bid his aunt and uncle goodbye, he found Lincoln and Ronnie Anne following behind.

"Where are you guys going?"

"We're following you, duh!" Ronnie Anne crossed her arms, "Plus, I want to know what this __'Multi-Universe Transprojector'__ is."

"Besides, we know who that someone of yours is." Lincoln nodded in agreement. __How Clyde knew where we were, though, is beyond me...__

Penn's eyebrows knit together in hesitation before he nodded in return. Bidding Aunt Rose and Uncle Chuck goodbye, the trio boarded the bus and traveled straight to __'__ _ ** _The Odyssey_**_ _ _'__. Bursting inside, they found two teenagers Penn's age running amok whilst helping Phyllis, the Multi-Universe Transprojector activated in the foreground.

One was a short girl with dark brown eyes, dark brown (or white, it was uncertain) hair with violet and yellow-tipped highlights held back by two ponytails, and purple eyeshadow; clothing-wise, she wore a pair of light blue-rimmed specs, maroon gloves, a long-sleeved sky blue shirt with purple and blue lines at the wrist ends underneath a red-violet vest with a yellow circle on the left side of her chest, a red-violet miniskirt, different styled socks (her left sock a solid purple and her right sock with different shades of mauve stripes), and white boots with a purple line down the front and yellow circle on the sides. There was a red-violet strap with a white circular object wrapped over her left knee cap. The other was a tall and broad boy with brown hair, hazel eyes, and black braces. He wore a black baseball cap with the bill pointed backwards, a sleeveless shirt with pale green stripes, camouflage cargo shorts, and black flip-flops.

One was running to assist, the other was running to panic. You can decide who was doing what.

"Sashi! Boone! What happened here?"

"No idea! This guy just burst into the Odyssey looking for his friend or something, and next thing we know..." The girl named Sashi stopped mid-rant and noticed the two kinds behind Penn, frowning as she did so, "I take either of them is that kid's friend?"

"We both are," Lincoln nodded in confirmation.

"Begrudgingly on my part," Ronnie Anne remarked.

"Sashi, this is Lincoln Loud and Ronnie Anne Santiago," Penn introduced Sashi to the couple. "They're my...consorts."

Sashi frowned in uncertainty, but soon she nodded in understanding...and shook her head in disbelief when her crush wasn't looking: __I'm pretty sure that's not what "consorts" means, but okay...__ "Well, alright then."

"Where are we going?"

"Well..." Phyllis checked the controls and grimaced, "From what I've read here, the dimension you'll be traveling to involves candy and racing."

Lincoln and Ronnie Anne exchanged confused glances that walked the line between those and grimaces. Penn, on the other hand, only nodded in understanding determination before running towards the platform. They both followed behind and found their respective positions on the green podium: Ronnie Anne was on the right, Penn was on the left, and Lincoln was in the center. The next thing they knew, a flash of light blue and eventually bright white obscured their vision.

* * *

 _ ** _A/N_**_ _ _: So, it's been a few months since I last updated (four, to be specific). I was ensnared in a bear trap of writer's block, something I can't exactly blame my delays on. But I'm back! And that's all what matters...for now, at least.__


	4. Chapter 4

**__**A Few Minutes Ago. . .**__**

Clyde boarded off the bus, taking a much-deserved deep breath as he did so. The bus he rode in reeked of a very unpleasant nastiness reminiscent of Lily's diapers. Stumbling around like a not-so-out-of-place drunkard in the 21st century for a moment, the young African-American boy regained his footing and continued forward with his mission impossible to find Lincoln in the big city of...wherever he was. Activating his luggage case, Clyde ventured off while ignoring the rather suspicious weight increase of said case. Throughout the city, its architecture fascinated him; everywhere he went seemed to pay homage to every classic genre movie released. From _**_**Star Wars**_**_ and _**_**Blade Runner**_**_ to **__**The Princess Bride**__** and **__**My Neighbor Totoro**__** , he seemed to wonder if this entire town was a film festival in disguise. Of course, he had no time to answer or even ask this question, for he had a mission to accomplish...

* * *

The light faded and the trio opened their eyes. Glancing around and taking in their surroundings, they found themselves in a forest with trees of peppermint, pink chocolate truffles (or regular truffles), and ponds of green or pinkish-purple taffy with gumdrops. Lincoln turned to face Ronnie Anne and Penn, but backtracked in surprise at their physical appearance. Ronnie Anne was wearing a mulberry purple hoodie with multicolored round candies on her cuffs, a mostly white skirt with the splattered colors, a pair of rainbow socks, black boots, and a multicolored helmet with a white brim. Penn was donning a berry blue biker jacket with white accents, a pair of candy red pants, a rainbow-colored beanie, and black boots.

"Whoa!" Lincoln approached them both, "You guys look __awesome__!"

Ronnie Anne turned to face Lincoln as well and smirked in amusement, "Thanks, Linc. You don't look bad yourself."

Lincoln glanced down at his own outfit; it was a candy red biker jacket above a red-and-white pinstripe shirt, a pair of candy apple pants, and black boots. His white hair was now stylized with a upward cowlick and red streak, and atop of it was a licorice red/raspberry beret.

"Huh. What do you know?"

"Anyway..." Ronnie Anne turned to the self-proclaimed expert in dimension hopping, "Penn, was it? Where exactly are we?"

"Well, from Phyllis said, the last place where your friend was last seen."

Music played in the distance, catching the attention of the trio. All of them proceeding to climb a respective tree to get a good idea on where they were, they overlooked the area around before glancing down to find two words floating in full view, in a chocolate lake, and in big, green, sparkly letters:

 ** _ _ **"Sugar Rush?"**__**

"I honestly have no idea, Linc. Penn?"

"Yep, this is the place. There's a castle not far from here. Come on."

Penn began to climb down, signaling Lincoln and Ronnie Anne to do the same. However, while they were, Lincoln grabbed a tree branch that – after emitting a loud whine – disappeared in a flash, causing him to stumble and almost fall with a shout.

"Lincoln! What happened?"

"Guys, be careful! The candy cane branches with the double stripes disappear!"

Upon hearing him say this, Ronnie Anne glanced down at the branch that was supporting her – a double-stripe.

"Oh, nuts."

The double-striped candy cane branch disappeared and she fell two stories before landing on a one-striped candy cane branch. Clinging on for dear life, this happened the same time Penn's hands lost their grasp on a double-striped branch and fell onto another double-stripe...in his __crotch__ area. When that too dissipated, his mental note to not make the same mistake again was transitioned into an action taken in the middle of freefall. He caught a single-striped branch and swung onto another branch, repeating the action until he was close to the ground, which he landed gracefully onto. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne followed soon after, losing their footing for a moment.

"So, Penn...how are your __literal__ nuts?"

"Killing me. Let's hit it."

The trio then took off out of the forest and into the kingdom. Everywhere they went, they caught brief glimpses of the architecture that was essentially the candied counterparts to their real world constructions. It amazed them beyond words. Even so, they had no time to stop and look around; they had a mission to accomplish. Approximately 10 minutes later, they arrived at the castle and ceased their sprinting to get a much better look at the magnificent structure. Again, they had a mission to accomplish, but this didn't prevent Penn from stopping Lincoln and Ronnie Anne from bursting in and possibly instigating a potential siege. Instead, he knocked politely (as one would do) and waited until the door opened and a green sour ball answered.

"What can I help you with?"

"Hello, good sir," Penn set an example for both kids, "We were just looking for the ruler of this castle; it's a rather urgent matter."

The sour ball still maintained his frown, "President Vanellope is out racing with all of the other Sugar Rush players. If you have a meeting with her, I suggest waiting for a few hours."

Lincoln backtracked in understandable shock, "President? Why isn't she – " __Wait...what?! President?! Vanellope?! Well, actually, that makes sense because Sugar Rush is a girl's game...but it doesn't make sense when you're being sexist and conforming to gender stereotypes.__ "Oh. Never mind. Ignore me."

Ronnie Anne rolled her eyes and approached Sour Bill, "So this racetrack...where is it? Listen, we're running short on time here, and as much as I want to stick around wearing nothing more than candy clothing...our friend is more important. This, despite not knowing him a lot more than Snow White here."

"Just a few miles from here. But I __highly__ suggest you wait for her."

"We don't have time, buddy. Come on." Taking Lincoln by the arm, Ronnie Anne and Penn were off while Sour Bill watched on.

"Why does she reminds me of President Vanellope?"

It took a few extra miles off, but it was worth it. The trio slowed to a stop when they finally reached the racetrack, where somebody realized something.

"You know, we could've just drove here."

"Ronnie Anne, you know we're not old to drive."

"Well, Lincoln. You might not want to tell __them__ that."

Lincoln and Ronnie Anne watched as the pint-sized pilots of the candy-laced crates sped towards the pit stops. One such racer was a young tan-skinned girl with bob-cut platinum-blonde hair, rosy cheeks, a strawberry helmet, a hot pink glittery dress, brilliant red jacket, and pink and white stockings and sneakers. Her helmet has a green brim and her collar is also green. She has blue eyes, glossy red lips, and thick dark lashes varnished in mascara. She is shown to wear a strawberry helmet with a pink visor similar to her dress. Ronnie Anne grimaced at her appearance in disgust.

"Ugh, what's up with that one with the mascara overload? She looks like one of those Japanese girls trying too hard to be cool; not that I'm racist or anything, but...serious, ew."

"Well, I think that's the idea. From what I can tell from everything we've seen so far, it's basically a Japanese-based kart-racing game with colorful 3D graphics. It __is__ called _**_**Sugar Rush**_**_ , after all."

"Even so, I still think she needs to lighten up on the makeup. What do you think, Linc?"

Lincoln himself wasn't paying much attention to them both, however. He was too... _ _distracted__.

 ** _ _ **("**__** ** _ _ **[I Just] Died in Your Arms**__** ** _ _ **" – Cutting Crew)**__**

The racer that caught wasn't the one Ronnie Anne and Penn were talking about as of this moment, but rather the one the aforementioned racer was talking to as of that moment. She was a young girl with fair skin, rosy cheeks and hazel eyes. Her black hair (which was decorated with a small assortment of small candies) was pulled back into a ponytail with a scrunchie; the scrunchie itself appears to be made of red licorice. The attire she donned bore a striking resemblance to Ronnie Anne's; it was a light mint-green hoodie with strawberry bootlace tassels, and two Reese's Cup wrappers for a skirt. Her mismatched leggings are striped with teal and white, and the left is additionally accented with purple "double stripes". She also wears black boots with red frosting scribbles on the soles.

 _ _Oh, Sweet Mother of Mary...__

 _ ** _ **SMACK!**_**_

 ** _ _ **"Yeow!"**__**

Lincoln turned to the duo, his right hand rubbing his injury. Ronnie Anne in particular seemed ticked at the fact that another girl had the undistinguishable honor of turning heads, especially Lincoln's. She crossed her arms and shot him a livid expression while Penn stifled a chuckle in the background.

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, I... I was just..." Turning back to the girl that caught his attention, Lincoln watched her and the racer discussed earlier shake hands as they both went to their respective vehicles. The final race was beginning to begin. Seeing this, a crazy idea of his immediately came to mind. Rushing over to a car made of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ( ** _ _ **"THREE!"**__** ), Lincoln pulled the driver back and boarded inside in his place. The driver in question – a young with deep blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a chocolate-and-peanut helmet with a yellow visor – was __not__ amused ( ** _ _ **"TWO!"**__** ), a fact made clear when he approached his apparent replacement after dusting himself off.

"Hey! Get out of my car!" The driver shouted and pointed at him ( ** _ _ **"ONE!"**__** ).

"Relax, Blondie! I'm just borrowing it!"

With that, the race commenced and Lincoln sped off with the other racers, leaving the former owner of the car in the dust. As for him, his hands balled into fists before he sprinted over to his spare car and drove off after him. Ronnie Anne and Penn knew that this wasn't going to end well, so they ran over to the supplementary vehicle division and grabbed their own cars, hastening behind.

Ronnie Anne's car hit a bump trailing behind Penn, prompting a yelp of fright from... _ _not__ Ronnie Anne. Glancing back at her trunk, she pulled the flap to reveal a young blonde girl with a red cherry cap and a pair of navy blue overalls decorated in small candies.

 ** _ _ **"LANA?!"**__**

* * *

 _ _...and so did a hidden Lana.__

 _ _Indeed, the poor girl's tomboy serving as the yin to her twin sister's yang was currently cramped in her older brother's best friend's suitcase, asking herself how she was able to fit inside without him noticing the considerable change in weight. Unbeknownst to her, however, he did notice the change; he just never questioned it.__

 _ _'Why, Lincoln? Why did you run away from home? We didn't mean for this to get out of hand...but we did. Our superstitions got the best of us, especially Lynn. I swear when we get back –__ _ _'__

 ** _ _ **"Oh no, Lana. Don't you dare. You weren't innocent in this. You even got excited about**__** ** _ _ **urinating on a wound**__** ** _ _ **if one of your flesh and blood got stung by a jellyfish! What kind of person does that?"**__**

 _ _Lana cringed at that recall of that not-so-proud-now statement.__

 _ _'You're right. I didn't stick up for him, but I'm willing to make amends...unlike Lynn.__ _ _'__

 ** _ _ **"Huh, that we can agree on."**__**

* * *

 _ ** _A/N_**_ _ _: It's been approximately two months since I last updated on this story, but that's because I was also expanding the universe of__ _ ** _Loud House_**_ _ _fan-favorite "__ _ ** _Drive_**_ _ _". Thank you all for the positive reception so far; this story's a personal favorite to work on. (Oh yeah, and Lincoln has a crush on Vanellope...something Rancis doesn't particularly appreciate.)__


End file.
